1st Tear

shits happen again

things which i dun wish to happen, happened.

I dun mind being left out like an idiot, cos we're still date, i can forgive him for being not understanding. I dun mind him smoking with his group of friends. I dun mind him talking to his female friends more than talking to me.

Afterall, it was my 1st time meeting his friends.

I was telling him that I wanted to get a tattoo of my own design this year but din manage to go for the tattoo show this year. He ignored me............

Fine, since he ignore me and i felt like an idiot, I decided not to talk and my my mouth shut in the bus.

He tried to talk to me - But I din have the mood to talk anymore cos i dun want to look like an idiot, again. It became a phobia talkign to him.

He wasnt there with me in the theatre to watch my favourite dance with me. For one moment, i wish that he have joined his friends to drink so that I can end this. However, he was waiting for me outside the theatre.

Why is he keep asking me if I wanna go home? It's irritating, if he din know.

It was tiring on sunday morning. He din know.
The feeling was like wht had happened 3 years ago. He din know.
I hate being left to walk behind alone. He din know.

He don't know a lot of things. Did he make an effort to understand or ask when he have no idea wht's going on. Did he really want to listen wht happen in the past that leads me having phobia of getting into a relationship? Did he know despite of my phobia, I would LOVE to give it a try with him?

When i was ignored by him from 2 am, I've texted angel, law and gary. Thanks there for acc me for hours texting :)

Things resume back ot normal when I TOOK THE INITIATIVE TO SPOKE TO HIM AND SMS HIM. anw, i'm always the one who gave in in life..................................................

Cant hold my tears when he din even understand what went wrong and he DID NOT KNOW that I was feeling insecure.

I felt like I am his fling instead of his date. The feeling sucks.

Thanks to yve who called in the afternoon. I did cried for a while. Not a while but tears keep dropping down on my way to sentosa with him.

At last, he is willing to listen bout what happen in the past.

But to me, it's really way TOO LATE. If I was his gf, I'll take a break with him in our relationship on sunday dawn.

Anw, he did made an effort to do wht my dream bf should do
- Apologise when he's at fault
- Talk bout wht went wrong and solve it out

Things which he had yet to fulfil
- Understanding (truely)
- Giving a simple hug at difficult times
- Give a pat on my shoulder when I'm angry
- Stand beside me when I'm left alone
- Cheer me up at the fastest way before I remind him
- Look into my eye when he apologise / talk to me

We still have things to learn before we're officially together.

I REALLY DON'T WANT SHITS TO HAPPEN AGAIN